Imagine my surprise to learn that Time Magazine, that stalwart companion in doctor’s offices and checkout lines has named me Person of the Year. They’ve named Alice too. They’ve named anyone, apparently, who’ll see the cover of their magazine or go to their website. Are they stealing Stephen Colbert’s material? I tell you, friends, it’s getting harder and harder to write satire.
Alice upon learning she’s been named Person of the Year:
Sarah, too, is right proud:
Are her eyes lit up because the lightbulb is going on in her head?
I assume you mean Alice’s eyes. Actually, they’ve been glowing like that since she looked into Putin’s eyes and saw his soul. It’s apparently radioactive. But, you know, Vlad, he’s a Person of the Year, too. You too, Robert, aren’t you excited? What have you done to celebrate?
Yes, Alice’s. I missed Sarah’s picture.
To celebrate, I won’t use this particular issue of Time for toilet paper.