Phelps smokes pot!

I’m shocked.  How could a good youth with a bright capitalist career ahead of him endorsing overpriced worthless shit to kids who can’t afford it, throw it all away for the evil weed?!  The one photo probably destroyed years of work by professional football coaches selflessly selling beer to America’s youth to put them on the path to manliness, obesity, and car crashes.  I don’t know how we can take him seriously as an athlete anymore.  He needs to learn we’re living in a free society where the state decides what you can ingest.  Stick with peanut butter and jelly, Michael, and you’ll be safe.  Wait a minute.  Forget the peanut butter for a while.  I’ll have to get back to you.  Just have a beer, why don’t you?  That’s right.  There was the DUI thing.  I know, I know—one of your rumored endorsements was to be McDonald’s, that purveyor of fine health foods.  Clean up your image by shoveling some of that crap down.  Set an example for America’s youth.

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