Tiger, Tiger

Tiger apologized to me, and it was about time.  I mean, he shook my faith in the clear correlation between skilled golfing and moral virtue.  How could someone so successful and rich do bad things?  I was glad to see the news media all agree that Tiger’s apology was and continues to be the most newsworthy event on the planet.  I would like them to dig deeper, to uncover the source of the virtue imparting powers of golf and why they failed so tragically in this case, so it won’t happen again.  Haven’t our role model deprived children suffered enough?  If he’d played pool or Frisbee or a mean pinball, his profligate sexuality would make sense.  We all know what kind of degenerates those sports spawn.  But golf?  I just don’t know how I can live with the reality that a man who amassed a fortune largely on the basis of endorsing products that have nothing to do with him or his putter would have anything but the most admirable moral qualities.  I’m shattered.  Just a thought, Tiger.  Maybe you could do one of those Hardee’s commercials, a big Buick with Cheater spray painted on the side, you gorging on jalapeño-laden meat?

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